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The United States Of Dating App Preference

March 28, 2019, 2:30 pm
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dating-app-by-state.jpg This is a map created by PC Mag detailing each state's preferred dating app as calculated by a poll of 2,033 readers. Granted readers of PC Mag probably aren't the best sample group of the general populous, but whatever. As you can see, Tinder is the most popular dating app, followed closely by Match. Zoosk, Bumble and Plenty Of Fish combined only account for the preferred app of five states total, and apparently nobody in West Virginia has had an internet connection in over a decade. Thanks to Davey, who agrees, please, try to keep the 'West Virginia doesn't even need dating apps because they have family reunions' jokes to a minimum. I was born there you know. Hit it, John Denver!
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Thrill Seeker Performs 150-Foot Drop On A Snowmobile

March 28, 2019, 3:30 pm
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snowmobile-drop.jpg To infinity and beyond! This is a short video of crazy person Kalle Jhoanson launching down the Gaz Drop in Whistler, British Columbia on the back of a snowmobile. According to somebody who was there but wasn't ready to die, "It's a very big and sketchy, long drop, like 150 feet plus and he pulled it off like butter!" Man, people are nuts. Now I'm not saying I couldn't do that, but I am saying I wouldn't do that because I love my mom and she already worries about me enough just trying to navigate life, the last thing I need is her staying up at night worried if I'm currently blasting myself off the top of a mountain on a snowmobile. "What's up with the rocket scooter?" Haha, what? *pulling aside* WTF is wrong with you, that scooter would break her heart. Keep going for the video.
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Boston Dynamics' Latest, A Giant Bird Inspired Box-Carrying Robot

March 29, 2019, 8:30 am
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This is a video from Boston Dynamics of Handle, a "mobile manipulation robot designed for logistics." Some more info while I imagine it's a giant drinking bird desktop toy HELLBENT ON MURDER *begins writing b-movie screenplay*:
Handle autonomously performs mixed SKU pallet building and depalletizing after initialization and localizing against the pallets. The on-board vision system on Handle tracks the marked pallets for navigation and finds individual boxes for grasping and placing. When Handle places a boxes onto a pallet, it uses force control to nestle each box up against its neighbors. The boxes used in the video weigh about 5 Kg (11 lbs), but the robot is designed to handle boxes up to (15 Kg) (33 lb). This version of Handle works with pallets that are 1.2 m deep and 1.7 m tall (48 inches deep and 68 inches tall).
But are my Amazon packages gonna get here any faster? Because when I order something I want it NOW. Remember back in the day when you needed something you actually drove to a physical store and bought it? Of course we also lived in caves and hadn't invented the wheel yet. *daydreaming about the first time I rode a sabertooth tiger into battle* Those were simpler times. Keep going for the video.
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Oh Wow: Watch A Bunch Of Metal Shapes Milled So Perfectly They Fit Together Without A Seam

March 29, 2019, 9:30 am
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This is a video of a bunch of examples of the incredibly precise machining performed by Jingdiao Precision Machinery's CDC (Computer Numerical Control) equipment, which can allegedly achieve resolutions of 0.5 microns, so fine that two pieces machined from different blocks that were designed to fit together will do so without a visible seam. Impressive. I just wish my doctor had the same precision, and maybe I wouldn't-- "Look like Frankenstein's monster?" Well I was going to say have an improperly set wrist that aches every time there's a cold front coming, but thanks. Remind me to give you a call the next time I need a pep talk before a date so I can just cancel. Keep going for the video.
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Dare To Dream: World's Strongest Man Winner Attempts To Eat Taco Bell's Entire Menu

March 29, 2019, 10:30 am
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eating-whole-taco-bell-menu.jpg This is a video of four-time World's Strongest Man winner Brian Shaw attempting to eat every item on Taco Bell's menu -- a 40 item, 25,000 calorie challenge that cost him $120.03. SPOILER: He doesn't make it, although he admits to not being a competitive eater and not knowing the proper technique. It's all about technique! Some more info while I start training to do the same:
Though Shaw speeds up the video while he is attempting to eat the 25,000-calorie meal, he takes several breaks throughout to inform viewers that he is not enjoying his time. "[This is] the worst eating challenge that I've ever taken part in," he says at one point in the video. "It was really bad. My stomach hurts so bad. But also I can feel myself sweating. Because I'm like almost, my body is just like, 'I want to get this out, I want to get this out.' I'm sweating because I'm almost trying not to throw up. I mean this is awful, guys. I don't highly recommend this." At the end of the video, the competitive strongman declared he likely will not be returning to Taco Bell "maybe ever."
Oh man, the experience turned him off of Taco Bell so badly he may never return? Well now I'm not sure I wanna take the challenge after all -- because if I don't have Taco Bell, what do I have? "Solid stools? A butthole that isn't planning an escape?" Not worth it. Keep going for the video.
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The Samsung Firevase, A Flower Vase That Doubles As A Throwable Chemical Fire Extinguisher

March 29, 2019, 11:30 am
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This is a promo video for Samsung's Firevase, a flower vase that has a reservoir for water and flowers as well as a sealed chamber of oxygen-suppressing potassium carbonate inside that can be thrown at a fire to help extinguish it. Just make sure your aim doesn't suck because you only get one shot at this. No pressure or anything, just make sure you actually hit the fire or your house is toast. Keep going for the video while I panic and throw a relative's ashes instead of a Firevase.
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Super Mario Bros Underwater World 2-2 Shower Curtain

March 29, 2019, 12:30 pm
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super-mario-bros-shower-curtain-1.jpg This is the officially licensed 'Nintendo Super Mario Shower Curtain' available exclusively from ThinkGeek. The curtain looks like Super Mario Bros. World 2-2, costs $15, and keeps water from splashing out all over your bathroom floor. It also keeps your roommate from being able to see your penis when he's using the bathroom while you shower because that guy has zero regard for privacy and personal space. Jesus, Derek, can you at least pass me my razor? "I can't, I have poop on my hands." My God I want to wrap you up in this curtain so bad. "What was that?" I said learn how to wipe you animal. Keep going for a couple more shots.
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Get Back To Work!: A Cat Laptop Scratching Post

March 29, 2019, 1:30 pm
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cat-scratch-laptop-1.jpg This is the ~$32 Cat Scratch Laptop designed and sold by SUCK UK. The laptop features a customizable screen you can slide any picture you want into, a corrugated cardboard keyboard for scratching, and an attached fuzzy toy mouse(!). You know, whenever my cat curls up on my laptop I always joke to my girlfriend that maybe he's finally decided to start pulling his own weight around here and actually make some money for us. I mean he never is, he's usually just pulling all my keyboard keys off, but I joke about it anyways. My girlfriend always laughs, but deep down I know she hates me and wishes I'd stop. Keep going for a few more shots.
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Oh, Just A Few Videos Of The Highly Venomous Six-Eyed Sand Spider Burying Themselves

March 29, 2019, 2:30 pm
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These are several videos of the highly venomous six-eyed sand spider burying themselves in the substrate to await some prey to ambush. Did you know the southern Africa native six-eyed sand spider have extremely necrotic (killing cells and tissue) venom and "can survive a year without a meal or even a drop to drink"? Ahahahaha, shit! If your kids are bad, you should show them these videos to straighten them out. If your kids are good, you should show them these videos to keep them that way. You should just show your kids these videos. Just do it already, what's another lifelong fear really? Keep going for the videos you should show your kids, and don't forget to mention the part about how venomous they are and how they can go a year without eating or drinking.
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Now That's A Crossover: To Celebrate Their Anniversaries, There's Going To Be A Gundam Vs Hello Kitty Battle

March 29, 2019, 3:30 pm
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To celebrate the 40th anniversary of Gundam and 45th anniversary of Hello Kitty, the two are starring in an official crossover battle. That doesn't really make any sense to me, but nothing has for a very long time. The official site. Let's continue:
Although the full details of "Gundam vs. Hello Kitty" have not yet been revealed, it is known that the project involves a LINE campaign where fans can vote for their favorite characters from each franchise and earn prizes, real-life promotions with restaurants and retail stores featuring this new rivalry, a "real mystery solving game" sponsored by SCRAP that is scheduled for Summer of 2019, and an animated preview video in which Kitty and the Gundam crew meet.
The preview video has already been released (and included below), and it only left me scratching my head even more. "You probably have fleas, GW." I DON'T HAVE LICE. "I said fleas." Oh yeah I think I might have fleas. I guess that's what I get for hanging out in the sewers with my raccoon friends. *tries to bite leg* "Jesus, GW, are you rabid?!" Only rabidly in love with you. But yes also probably legit rabid those raccoons and I really got into it. Keep going for the preview video.
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Truck Attachment Safely Slides Construction Barrels Into Place

April 1, 2019, 8:30 am
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This is a probably too long promotional video of the Barrel Mover 5000, a truck attachment that can slide construction barrels from one lane to another without a worker on foot risking their life to do it (I assume it can also be used to initially deploy barrels placed from the back of a truck). Pretty clever. It almost looks like a game. Just not a very fun game unless you're playing on expert mode at 50+MPH. Keep going for the whole video (while I speculate why 5000?), but the gif pretty much is all you need to see unless you're in the market for a barrel mover.
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Sega Releasing A Genesis Mini To Celebrate The Console's 30th Anniversary

April 1, 2019, 9:30 am
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sega-genesis-mini.jpg To celebrate the Genesis's 30th anniversary (and make some easy money in the process), Sega has announced an $80 mini version of the console available for pre-order now (links to Amazon) and shipping September 19th. The console includes two wired controllers and will come preloaded with 40 games, which Sega is announcing in four waves of ten titles, with the first ten games being:
Sonic the Hedgehog Ecco the Dolphin Castlevania: Bloodlines Gunstar Heroes Space Harrier 2 Comix Zone Shining Force Dr. Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine Toe Jam & Earl Altered Beast
That's a pretty decent start, although I wish they'd just announced all the games at once. The anticipation is killing me. And, okay, probably the poison my girlfriend has been injecting into my pudding packs like I can't feel the little hole on top when I'm licking the foil lid. I only ask that if I die my story is made into a Hallmark murder mystery and The Rock plays me, although he will need to start a rather aggressive workout regimen. Thanks to Alexis S, Josh S and hairless, two of whom informed me they've already pre-ordered. But which two?! DUM DUM DUM! (I'm already in murder mystery mode)
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Bad Ideas: Work Truck With Ladder On Top Goes Through Automated Car Wash

April 1, 2019, 10:30 am
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Fight! Fight! Fight! This is a video of a man who decided to take his work truck through an automated car wash while he still had a ladder strapped to the top of the vehicle. For the wellbeing of his ladder rack and the carwash, that proved to be a bad idea, and I'm obviously more than a little concerned about his decision making skills and the quality of work he might be performing on the job site. That said, I have borrowed a friend's truck to wash a bunch of furniture in a carwash before. Keep going for the video, but skip to 1:55 unless you have an automated carwash fetish.
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Video About A Couple Who Live Their Lives 19th Century Victorian Era Style

April 1, 2019, 10:30 am
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Not content with just the occasional cosplaying, this is a video from the New York Post highlighting the lives of Sarah and Gabriel Chrisman of Port Townsend, Washington, who have decided to live as 19th century Victorian era style as possible. Hey, just like I say all the time -- different strokes for different folks. Admittedly they do seem pretty happy. Personally, I try to live my life as 24th century as possible and, honestly, I'm pretty miserable most of the time. *banging homemade spaceship engine with wrench, sobbing* Work you piece of shit, please! I just wanna go home. Keep going for the video while I miss the optimism of the 19th century.
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My My!: Video Of A Massive Hammerhead Shark Orgy

April 1, 2019, 12:30 pm
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This is a video from BBC Earth about the mating rituals of hammerhead sharks, which, unsurprisingly, does involve a fair amount of nailing. Some more info while I outwardly pat myself on the back for that but inwardly just get the a deep case of the sads:
The hammerheads come from all different directions and gather, swim around each other in big circles in a wonderful sort of balletic association. At the very centre of this big mass of hammerheads are the oldest, most mature females. The younger sharks swim around them. When the males come in to mate, they've got to weave and wind their way through this mass of hammerheads, so only the strongest, fittest males will get to mate with the females in the centre. We are only just beginning to understand the purpose of this mass congregation, so the more scientists dive down there, the more they're understanding its importance. It's a very special place, and a very important behaviour, that needs to be protected. The Galapagos is one of the last jewels of this blue planet of ours. It really needs extra protection of ours oceans to make sure that that doesn't disappear for ever. It was extraordinary.
Fascinating. Obviously, if I was a young hammerhead shark there is an approximately zero percent chance I would ever make it to the middle of the circle to mate with a mature female. And I'm not just saying that because I recently passed out playing Red Rover before I even made it halfway to the other line, but it was a bad idea playing on asphalt instead of grass. Keep going for the video.
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Real Products That Exist: A Frank Frazetta 'Death Dealer' Holiday Sweater

April 1, 2019, 1:30 pm
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frank-frazetta-death-dealer-sweater.jpg This is the real $100 Frank Frazetta 'Death Dealer' holiday sweater available from Spoke Art (Wikipedia about the painting HERE). A portion of each sale will help fund the Frank Frazetta Museum in East Stroudsburg, Pennsylvania, which must be pretty well funded already because when I went to buy one they were already sold out. "Were you actually going to buy one?" I mean I want one and I'm into it, I'm just not sure if I'm a hundred dollars into it. Actually I'm not sure I'm a hundred dollars into anything except credit card debt, and it's way more than that. Thanks again to Christina D, who agrees doing your winter clothes shopping in April is when you get the best deals, just not in this case.
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Meanwhile In Australia: Kangaroo Casually Hops Through Pub

April 1, 2019, 2:30 pm
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kangaroo-hops-through-bar.jpg This is a short video from Australia of an underage kangaroo that, after making sure the coast is clear, quickly hops all the way through a pub and out the back door, presumably after being dared by its friends. I swear, kangaroos these days. If you pay close enough attention you might also notice that Spider-Man, an escaped hospital patient and a fairy also make a brief appearance, because in Australia it's important to live every day like it might be your last, since it's probably gonna be. Keep going for the video.
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Another Day, Another Person Biting A Real Wall In Virtual Reality

April 1, 2019, 3:30 pm
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virtual-reality-into-wall.jpg This is a video of the sort of virtual reality experience I'd expect to see set up in a cheaply rentable storefront in a dying mall (in my mind you can still see where the Spencer's sign used to be) of a woman exploring a rooftop in virtual reality, deciding she's had enough of this virtual life and throwing herself from the top of the building, only to bite a wall in real life. Hopefully that added to the experience, because it's definitely gonna detract from her smile. Keep going for the video, but skip to 1:20 for the that's gonna leave a mark.
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Going Down?: Reporter Accidentally Walks Into Live Camera Shot, Performs An Elevator To Escape

April 2, 2019, 8:30 am
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This is a short video from Sky News of a live camera shot of 10 Downing Street in London when a reporter accidentally walks into frame and quickly performs an elevator to escape. Classic. Granted I'm more of a fan of the stairs routine myself, but she clearly wanted to make a quicker exit than taking the stairs. And that was a fast elevator. The kind that might upset your stomach if you've eaten recently, or make you shit your pants if you've eaten Taco Bell recently. Keep going for the video, but the gif is really it.
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A Rocket Powered Golf Club That Swings At 150MPH

April 2, 2019, 9:30 am
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This is a video of former NASA engineer Mark Rober and Smarter Every Day's Destin Sandlin adding two F size model rocket engines to a golf club to get it swinging at 150MPH. For reference, pro golfers swing at around 110MPH, so, just like Biff's hoverboard in Back To The Future II, this thing's got power. Now not to brag or anything, but I bet my golf swing could probably even top that. "Have you ever even swung a golf club, GW?" Only as a weapon. Keep going for the video, which is all fails and fine-tuning until around 10:00, when the real fun begins (which thankfully does include Mark actually taking a swing with the rocket club).
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